GameCentral – Weboggle

This column was original published on the ITV Teletext service GameCentral in 2003

OSDTFQuWRITNIUWERTAITATSER

Got that? 3 minutes starting……..NOW.

Wit. Reef. Twin. Rows. Swot. Trust. Twit. Rust. Refine. Tint. Unit. Stir. Forest. Fritter. Squirts.

Infester. INFESTER!

I win. You lose. You don’t even know the rules yet, but I still say you lose. Videogames take no prisoners.

———————————————————-

Videogames, you say? But that pointless exercise was the first ever experiment in Teletext Boggle. And Boggle – try not to wince – is a board game.

As IF. For the last 16 unblinking hours I have been playing WEBoggle (Google will find it for you).

Unblinking, unscratching, unmoving. My knees have turned to bags of crunchy Lego, I drunk my dinner through a straw. Don’t ask about peeing.

———————————————————-

Another thing about my WEBoggle marathon? It was unwinning, too.

That wretched Tracey Gracey topped the table every round. I hope she chokes.

14 hours of losing at a console game? I’d have given up long ago. Stomped over here to write a smug column about difficulty balancing and accessibility.

But with this, I can’t stop. They can’t stop. And we need to figure out why.

———————————————————-

Like it or not, these web-based games are the ‘real’ videogames.

They are played in numbers that make The Sims and GTA look weirdo niche.

Played for hours that make EverQuest look like the blink of a panicky gnat.

Played for money that makes paying £64.99 for Jet Force Gemini sound like throwing a bent foreign plastic penny in the Trevi Fountain and finding gold.

———————————————————-

How can these crummy web-based games be more popular than ICO, than Gradius, than Prince of Persia? Than Wario Ware?

Either the people playing them are stupid, or we are. And I know which.

Of course the people playing them are stupid. Tracey Gracey? What kind of slop-brained wino chooses that for a screen name? And first every time?

No friends, no life, no question.

———————————————————-

Except. I’m dazzling sophisticated and tiresomely popular and I just put in 16 delirious hours, honing my skills (SKILL, KILL, SILL, ILLS, KILLS)

We need to leave our cinematic experience, and our 1024MB of RAM and go and ask the people who make these things to teach use how to make a good games. For us and for all men.

Because we have as much to learn from them as I do from Master Tracey Gracey.

5 thoughts on “GameCentral – Weboggle”

  1. Haven’t seen Tracey Gracey for a long time. Get that occasional peek from Gaschmooka. Has anyone tried the new weboggle format? I simply love it because for now there are fewer players.

  2. After checking out a handful of the blog posts on your web site, I seriously
    like your technique of blogging. I saved as a favorite it to my bookmark site list
    and will be checking back in the near future. Please check
    out my website as well and tell me what you think.

  3. My spouse and I stumbled over here coming from a different website
    and thought I might as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you.
    Look forward to looking over your web page for a second time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Videogames and things